


all that's left for us now

by lauf_aiya_rson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 04:29:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14560896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauf_aiya_rson/pseuds/lauf_aiya_rson
Summary: spoilers for thor: ragnarok. tw: Emotions, references to abuse & transmisogyny, death / grief, ableism ment, genocide ment, injury kindathor and loki are autistic trans women and you can't change my mindthe title's fromnew chevrolet in flames, a mountain goats songmore notes





	all that's left for us now

The bumper sticker on the back window said “God won’t let me die,” which was too applicable to their lives in too many ways.

Loki turned the keys in the ignition. “So,” she said, and backed out onto the road. “First time to a therapist?”

Thor nodded, and swallowed. She was wearing jeans and a light blue blouse with a print of tiny flowers and the sleeves rolled up and a leather eye patch.

Loki glanced at her rolling an enamel spaceship pendant between her fingers. Something about Star Trek.

They’d stepped into a shop to get clothes for Thor and found the necklace among the jewelry. Loki, figuring that Thor could use the comfort of something to stim with, had shoplifted it. In her defense they’d shoplifted everything else too.

Thor’s haircut — Loki hated the haircut so much, she had secondhand dysphoria because of the haircut — had been covered with a glamour she’d taught her sister to weave. No one needs to know who you are, don’t worry about that, she’d insisted. You’re allowed to have nice things.

Not that she’d ever indulge herself, but hey. She would never admit that and Thor needed it.

Their home was gone. Their family was gone. They were allowed to grieve; Asgard was built on a foundation of genocide but it was still where they grew up. Odin, their dad, their abusive ableist transmisogynistic dad, had just died. Thor’d lost her hammer and her autonomy and an eye.

If they didn’t have something nice they wouldn’t fucking survive.

* * *

Thor kept stealing glances at Loki as the other girl drove.

Black hair cut in a haphazard bob just below her ears, black lipstick, leather jacket and a green t-shirt tied so it barely showed her belly button, combat boots, black nail polish. Loki, her little sister, who’d been out for far, far longer than she’d been. Hell, barely anyone knew.

Coming out to her had been nerve wracking; she’d barely been able to to get the words out. She felt like she should’ve come out earlier, paved the way for her younger sister, at least confided in her so they could’ve navigated the world of the cis together.

She twirled the spaceship pendant around her finger.

She was anxious. She didn’t know how to talk about any of this to anyone. Her missing eye throbbed pain down the side of her face that spiked every time the car hit a bump. At least it was the right eye that was gone, which made occasionally glancing at Loki not horribly obvious.

Of course Loki’d gotten access to a therapist. She had connections, despite never disclosing if she’d ever been there herself. She probably hadn’t.

Thor knew her sister. Chances were she was hiding a host of mental illnesses. Loki could pretend she wasn’t autistic until she dropped into a complete meltdown — that one time Odin screamed at her for an hour after something went wrong during a battle they lost, something about disrespecting him and disgracing the family — and went nonverbal for months. Thor knew.

odin was gone

She didn’t know how to talk about it. Of course. Family miscommunication and trust issues, the root of approximately half her problems.

But this time Loki was here, right? Loki had said that. She was here and they were back to working as a team. A dysfunctional team, but better than being enemies.

Loki pulled into a parking lot. “We’re here,” she singsonged.

Thor clenched the pendant in her fist.

“You’ll be fine.” Loki turned to her. Her voice was the kind of voice she wanted to have. She was self-conscious. “I put your name down as Thea.”

“Have you ever done therapy?”

Loki smirked. “No. I do a lot of self destructive coping that has so many layers of trauma that I get overwhelmed just vaguely considering it instead. But I’ll come in with you if you want.”

“Yeah,” Thor whispered. She was a queen and a warrior but she was afraid of talking about her feelings. Sounded accurate.

She tried not to construct entire elaborate scripts of what she was going to say as she stepped into the office. She failed miserably.

Thor sat down in an armchair, playing with the pendant. Loki stood just inside the doorway, then saw the basket of cheap tea next to the water dispenser, and proceeded to make herself a cup of chamomile ginger with multiple packets of sugar.

Loki had just dropped the empty packets into the trash when the therapist came into the room. “Dr. Park,” she said, holding a hand out to Thor.

“Thea,” Thor said, and she stood and shook. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Loki sit, tucking her legs up and crossing them on the chair, and take a cell phone out of her pocket as she drank more tea.

“Why don’t you come on in?”


End file.
